Untitled

The Intern

*camera zooms in on Slendy's house*
Jeff: Slendy!!! I need to borrow some cash!
*slendy walks in*
Slendy: no Jeff, the last time I let you borrow money you spent it on 20 pounds of catnip.
Jeff: Samuel needed it! He would've starved!
Slendy: *sigh* Jeff I told you this a million times. Samuel is dead!
Jeff: probably because he starved.
Slendy: He's not even a cat! Samuel is a bird!
Jeff: It wasn't his time. *sniffle*
Slendy: Jeff, if you want money,you gotta get it yourself. Why do you need it anyways?
Jeff: to get the new Amnesia game... and a new bird.
Slendy: I heard there were jobs opening up at the new SCP Foundation. Ben, Eyeless Jack, and Masky are all gonna sign up together. Maybe you can do it, too. If you want.
Jeff: Sounds good. How much will I get paid?
Slendy: I dunno. Why don't you ask the people paying you?
Jeff: but your so much closer. Can't I apply online or something?
Slendy: Jeff that's for college. You didn't pass the fourth grade.
Jeff: fine. But while I'm at the Foundation, you have to watch over Smile Dog.
Smile: I don't have to be watched over you know. I know I can be stupid, but I'm actually smarter than-
Jeff: silence my dear pup.
Smile: I'm 23.
Jeff: All shall be well. You have nothing to fear when Slender Man is here.
Smile: that doesn't make sense. He's Slender Man, shouldn't I fear everything when Slendy is here.
Jeff: no, *whispering* he's just a little lonely. All he wants is a friend.
Slendy: pfft, I have plenty of friends. For instance, I have... Zalgo.
Jeff: Zalgo's your rival.
Slendy: rival. Wha- he's not my rival. Who said anything about-
Smile: you've hated him since you were a Slender Baby.
Slendy: who told you that?
Jeff: You, and Zalgo.
Slendy: when?
Jeff: last week. When you got into a fight.
Slendy: what? We, we aren't rivals!
Jeff: whatever eats your float! I gotta go apply for a job. *walks out the door*
Smile: He's gonna wreck the place.
Slendy: he always does, but what're ya gonna do? They'll just build another. Like last time.
*at the entrance of the facility*
Jeff: well, here I am. The big city.
Rake: it's more of a prison.
Jeff: GAAGH! Where did you come from, Rake? And what's with the shiny badge? *points to Rake's badge*
Rake: It shows my authority. I'm the boss. I run the place.
Jeff: that's fantastic. Now onto what matters here. May I or mayn't I have a job here?
Rake: you want a job? At the SCP foundation? *chuckles* I mean I guess I could let you clean toilets or something but... hold on. This is perfect for my plan!
Jeff: plan? What plan?
Rake: oh, my plan to, uuh, make the world a better place by containing the worlds dangerous mysteries. Er, something.
Jeff: sounds fantastic, when do I start?
Rake: now. Head to the B-Wing. that's where I sent all of your other pals.
Jeff: m'kay bye Rake. *scurries off through the doors*
*at B-Wing. Jack, Masky, and Ben are looking at their clipboards and talking.*
Jeff: Buddies!! *runs over to them as they look up*
Masky: JEFF! *tackle-hugs him. he throws her off*
Jeff: oh, and Masky too.
Ben: what're you doing here Jeff?
Jeff: I got a job here.
Ben: oh, well the janitors closet is down the hall. There's a clogged toilet down in-
Jeff: oh Ben, you crack me up. I'm not here to clean the toilets! I work with you guys now.
Ben: ooooh no.
*back at Slendy's house*
Smile: Slendy! Where's the remote?! I can't find it anywhere!
Slendy: I don't know. Use the buttons.
Smile: I can't use the buttons. I told you, I lost the remote.
Slendy: I mean the buttons on the Television. Ya know, the ones and the side.
Smile: oh Slendy. I think we both know that the buttons on the T.V. are just a myth.
Slendy: oh they are? *walks over and turns television showing smile the buttons.*
Smile: *gasp* the legends. Th-they're true! Where's my phone Slendy?
Slendy: on the counter why?
Smile: call Jeff!
Slendy: it's your phone. You do it.
Smile: I can't, I don't have any thumbs... or any fingers for that matter.
Slendy: fine, but just know that I'm not your slave.
Smile: that great, now fetch me my phone peasant!
*slendy calls Jeff and holds phone up to smile's ear.*
Jeff: what? Who is this?
Smile: it Smile, Jeff. Doesn't your phone have caller ID?
Jeff: that's what that is? I thought my phone just kept mocking me by telling me to smile. That's why I threw my old one out the window.
Smile: *stifling laughter* okay. I gotta admit. That's hilarious, but back to serious business.
Jeff: what?
Smile: the legends are true.
Jeff: I knew it! Potatoes really are ultra-intelligent beings in disguise.
Smile: *sigh* no Jeff. The one about the television.
Jeff: yeah yeah. There's a poltergeist haunting it. We already knew that.
Smile: Jeff! There really are buttons on the T.V.
Jeff: the buttons? Oh yeah. Everybody knows that.
Smile: what? Jeff knew something I didn't? That's new.
Jeff: listen, smile. Great conversation, but gotta go. I have a job now. This is important business.
Smile: cleaning toilets isn't very important.
Jeff: why does everybody think that I clean toilets? Ya know what? Bye smile. *hangs up*
Jeff: *mumbling* stupid, no-good, half witted, *trails off*
Rake: Jeff my boy!
Jeff: *talking to the sky* what? My boy? Dad, is that you? I thought you were dead.
Is Liu here?
Rake: *clears his throat*
Jeff: *looks down at rake* oh! hey wassup boss?
Rake: I have a very important mission for you.
Jeff: important? Sorry Rake, but you got the wrong guy. Every time someone puts me in charge of something important I screw it up. Big time.
Rake: Jeff, I believe you can do this.
Jeff: really? Wow, I don't.
Rake: I'll give you a shiny badge like mine.
Jeff: shiny? I'm in. What do you need, boss?
Rake: somewhere in B-Wing, there's a button. It shouldn't be hard to find, because it's big and red.
Jeff: how big we talkin'?
Rake: really. Really. BIG.
Jeff: sounds big.
Rake: it is. I need you to walk up to that button, and push it. Push that button as hard as you can.
Jeff: as hard as I can?
Rake: that's right. If anyone bothers you, show them these. *hands Jeff a badge made of cardboard.*
Jeff: you got it dude!
*runs off down the hall*
Rake: that's the bathroom, Jeff!
*woman shrieks*
*meanwhile*
Ben: D-Class Personnel role check! When I call your name you say present! Am I clear?!
D-class personnel: CLEAR!
Ben: good! Jimmy Johnson!
Jimmy: Present.
Ben: Dave Egbert!
Dave: here.
*ben continues listing names . Jack and Masky are talking.*
Jack: hey, have you seen Jeff anywhere? I can't find him.
Masky: Jeff? Oh I've seen him.
Jack: where?
Masky: he's everywhere.
Jack: what?
Masky: I see him everywhere. All the time. Jeff is in my vision no matter where I look. *masky's perspective. Jeff everywhere*
Jack: right well. I'm gonna go look for him. Maybe he's-
*lights cut out. Doors open. Rushing footsteps can be heard everywhere.*
Ben: wait! STOP!!! *sigh* Jeff.
*back to Jeff*
Jeff: whoa! Where'd the lights go?
*emergency lights turn on*
Jeff: oh, they're you are. You had me worried, lights.
*looks at button. Sign says: emergency shut off switch. Never press*
Jeff: *shrugs* oh well. I got a badge.
*Jeff is wandering through the dark hallways.* where did everybody go?
???: AAAAAGHH! NO PLEASE!
Jeff: hello? Who is that?
*hears sobbing and wailing*
Jeff: what's wrong? Who are you and why are you so sad?
*Jeff turns the corner and sees the Shy Guy/SCP-096*
Shy Guy: UUAAAAAAAGGHH *violent screaming. Starts running at Jeff*
Jeff: hey. We can talk this out. Everything will be fine. Was it a bad break up?
*shy guy stops*
Jeff: is that it.
*shy guy shakes his head and runs at Jeff again.*
Jeff: well then. *dodges shy guy and pulls out paperwork. Jeff starts reading*
Jeff: SCP-096. Euclid. Very shy. 8 feet tall. Blah blah blah. OH! Here we go. From my papers it says you don't like for people to see your face.
*shy guy. Stops trying to attack Jeff*
Jeff: is that it?
*shy guy nods.*
Jeff: let me tell you something. I used to be an ugly little scallop of a boy, but now, I'm even uglier. From what I say, looks are all about self-confidence. I know that I'm not pretty, and only a psycho like Masky would like me, but I still think that I'm beautiful. In fact, I love my face so much that I burned my eyelids off so that I wouldn't have to stop looking at my beautiful face. You just gotta face the world and say, "I am beautiful no matter what you say! Eat that world!". Either that, or wear a mask.
*shy guy sniffles and walks over to Jeff.*
Jeff: bring it in big guy.
*they hug.*
Jeff: aaaaaww. See? It's not so bad to be nice.
*Jeff smiles at shy guy and walks down the hall. Plague Doctor/SCP-049 walks up to Jeff*
Jeff: oh, hey Masky. Funny seeing you here.
Doctor: what?
Jeff: are you sick? You sound different. By the way, love the new threads.
Doctor: oh my. You are much more infected than I expected. You are to sick for me to cure. I cannot stay here. *runs away*
Jeff: Masky wait! Where are you going?! *talking to himself* since when was Masky a doctor? *shrugs and continues walking*
*Jeff looks down*
Jeff: darn shoe! *starts tying it then looks back up*
Jeff: Holy cow! *the statue/SCP-173 is standing in front of him* well hello there!
*Jeff stands up and extends a hand implying that he would like a handshake*
Jeff: *clears his throat* hello there! *re-extends hand* HELLO! THERE!
*awkward pause*
Jeff: fine. *grabs the statue's hand and shakes it.* Now was that so bad?!
*Jeff pulls out papers and scans through them.*
Jeff: Ah, here we go. *reading the paper *The Statue. Doesn't move unless it is out of sight. When approaching it, do not blink. *looks up from paper* Well that won't be a problem. By the way. Has anyone ever told you that you look stunning?
*no response*
Jeff: I like your makeup.
*no response*
Jeff: I would say I like your shirt, but you don't have one.
*no response*
Jeff: Well of course you can wear my jacket! *takes of jacket and puts it on the Statue* There. Hey, I like your jacket. It looks like the one I have. *Jeff chuckles*
Jeff: I like you. Do you need a ride home?
*no response*
Jeff: Great! I'll take you home.
*no response*
Jeff: What? You don't have one? You can stay with me baby. You'll love my place. I'm sure Slendy won't mind the company. Let me show you to my car.
*Jeff walks past the Statue and turns around*
Jeff: follow me. *keeps walking. The statue follows.*
*meanwhile at Slendy's house*
Smile: this is amazing, Slendy! Why didn't you tell me about this before?
*smile is flipping through the channels using the buttons on the television while Slendy is watching the tv on the couch.*
Slendy: I thought you knew. Even Jeff knew!
Smile: it's crazy! I've been blind all my life and now my eyes have been opened to the wonders of buttons.
*smile flips past the news*
Slendy: wait. Smile go back to the news
*smile flips to the news and jumps up onto the couch to watch*
Reporter: a terrible accident has just occurred at the newly built SCP Foundation. All of the power has gone off in the B-Wing and the Personnel as well as the creatures being contained have been released. We spoke with the president of the foundation to see how he felt.
*rake is speaking to the camera*
Reporter: how do you feel about the situation?
Rake: Situation? What would that be? Hmmm?
Reporter: all of the creatures in the most dangerous part of your facility have been released! How do you feel?
Rake: I feel quite good about myself.
Reporter: good? How can you feel good at a time like this?
Rake: finally, we are free!
Reporter: excuse me?
Rake: My kind is finally free! People have been enslaving creatures like me for far to long! When Jeff came along and signed up for the job. I knew it was the perfect opportunity to make my move! That idiot has a brain the size of a mustard seed.
Reporter: You're sick!
*police run up and tackle the rake*
Rake: wha- OOF,
Police: you're under arrest for releasing legally captive creatures into the wild.
*shows Slendy on the couch. Slendy face-palms*
Slendy: how did I know?
Smile: I knew he would totally screw up.
Slendy: he always finds a way to mess things up.
Smile: you gonna go get him?
Slendy: I guess I have to. Don't I?
*Slendy teleports off of the couch and into the facility by Jeff*
Jeff: oh, hey Slendy.
Slendy: How did you manage to do all of this?
Jeff: I pushed a button and got a badge.
Slendy: ... Why do I ask? Whatever, Jeff. Let's go.
*slendy grabs Jeff's hand and walks him through the facility and to the car*
Jeff: I'll miss this place.
Slendy: I doubt it'll miss you.
Jeff: I managed to make some money though. *Jeff holds up 10 pieces of paper*
Slendy: Jeff this money is made of construction paper and sharpie.
Jeff: really? *shrugs* oh well. Money is money.
Slendy: yes, but this isn't even money.
Jeff: I'm grateful for it though. Someone put a lot of effort into drawing this.
Slendy: if you still need cash, I'll give you a loan.
Jeff: really? Wow, thanks Slendy.
Slendy: ya ya, don't mention it. How much do you need?
Jeff: Two- hundred bucks
Slendy: What? I thought you were buying a video game?
Jeff: I am, but I also want to take my new girlfriend to dinner. *Jeff points to the statue which followed Jeff to the car.*
Slendy: Jeff, your dating a statue.
Jeff: Hey! I know she may have a big head, or a vertical mouth, but that is no reason to make fun of her. She's beautiful the way she is.
Slendy: We don't even know if it's a girl or not!
Jeff: at first I thought Trender Man was a girl, but he's not. I hope.
Slendy: Jeff, you have to leave her behind. We're not taking a Keter Class SCP home with us because you have a strange crush on it.
Jeff: Fine. She'll live here. But I will come to visit.
Slendy: you can try, but they probably won't let you into the premises. By the way, what happened to Jack, Masky, and Ben?
*shows Masky talking to the Plague Doctor, Jack running through the doors in "The Recursive Room"/SCP-970 and Ben conversing with "Old AI"/SCP-079.